Tough Questions

I wrote my realization post yesterday but I wanted Andy to read through it before I posted it so it didn't get posted until today. Since that post I have a lot more to say that didn't quite fit in with the rest of the post. That post prompted a lot of tough questions both in my head and between the two of us. What do we really want? Where do we want to be? What will make us happy?  What really matters at the end of the day? Is one persons happiness more important than the other? Like I said, really hard questions.

I think that we have some answers but some answers just lead to more questions. I think we know we really want to be happy and have our lives together. The question that leads to is what is going to make us happy? Is it moving out of Columbus? Moving back to Toledo? Buying a house so we aren't under the thumb of someone else? Is it a different job for Andy? A different job for me? The list is endless.

I know for a fact that a different job wouldn't make me happy, I love my jobs. I look forward to work everyday, that's a rarity and I know it. A different job would make Andy happy, this I do know, but the job he would love isn't here. In that lies the entire answer to where we should live, so the real question is his happiness more important than mine? I may make some feminists cringe with this sentence that I type, but I think that in the long run his happiness does. Please let me explain before you throw me to the lions. I love my jobs, I do believe that it is important for woman to be able to work and support herself, I believe that firmly. However, it has always been my dream to be able to stay at home with my kids (the reasons for which are a post for another time) and I firmly believe that feminism is more about woman having a choice. I have the choice to stay home with my kids or work and that is a beautiful thing. So my jobs, as much as I love them both, aren't really going to matter in a couple years, for my husband it will matter a lot if he goes to work happy or not. I guess that I am not really saying that his happiness matters more than mine, I think I am saying that the happiness that I experience in my jobs isn't going to compare to the happiness I will feel staying home with my children. So if I had to give up my jobs right now in order for us to get to where we need to be in order to have the life we want, I would. I wouldn't be happy about it, but I wouldn't be completely depressed either, it's just a sacrifice I'm willing to make to get what I really want.