The Big One

This is a post I have been debating about writing for a while, but I have decided that it shouldn't matter to me what other people think. I want to preface this by saying I am not writing this with the intention of offending anyone, it's simply something that is happening in my life and marriage and affects only myself and my husband, no one else, therefore I would appreciate it if negative comments were kept out of the blogosphere.

The longer that Andy and I are married the more the subject of kids pops up, not only between us but also from family and friends. Usually it's just a general talk, a vague notion of the future that has yet to be determined. It is something that I always assumed would happen eventually, as did Andy. All throughout our relationship kids were an abstract thought to be talked about at some point in the future. When we got married that abstract thought turned into a discussion of when, which resulted in "Lets wait 6 months" and when 6 months came about it was "Let's wait a 6 more months" so on and so forth. Until very recently, in which a new question came to light "Should we have kids?"

 Yes, I know, it's kind of shocking, but let me explain. We love kids, we have an adorable nephew that we love to death and another nephew on the way that I am sure we will love just as much. I work with kids practically every day and I love it. We are questioning if we should have kids because to have children (which is probably the most responsibility a person can take on) without really thinking about it seems irresponsible and also because we really enjoy our life right now just the way it is. We live comfortably, we get to travel, go out, and generally do the things we enjoy doing without much interference. I'm sure that it seems selfish, but I am being honest. Our relationship is great and we are not sure we want the general trials and tribulations that having kids brings into a marriage. We realize that for some, kids are wonderful and a blessing but that doesn't mean it is necessary for all couples to have them. I think ultimately it is up to the couple and no one else. I'm sure parents, grandparents, friends, aunts, uncles, cousins, and even the guy on the street have an opinion on this but it all comes down to the couple and for us, we aren't sure.

I can't speak for Andy but I always thought I would have children, always. When I was younger and even at the start of my relationship with Andy, I wanted four kids. Then gradually over time, things changed. I met the man of my dreams, I graduated college, I found a career that I love and while these things happened my idea of how life should go changed. I never question what are society views to be the normal life moments. I always assumed that I would graduate high school, go to college, meet a guy, get married, buy a house and have kids. I never thought I would have an alternate path, primarily because I thought there was no alternate path. However in the last few months that has changed. Andy and I have realized that our lives are our own to do with as we wish and if our wish isn't to have children then that is fine, if it is then that's fine too.

Who knows what the future will bring for us, we may have children, we may not, we may adopt, we may foster, we may not, the fact of the matter is that we haven't decided yet and there is nothing wrong with that.

Da Fever

I don't know what is is lately but I have been suffering from baby fever so badly. There is just something in the air that is making me baby crazy. It probably doesn't help that I have an adorable 4 month old nephew, who is (without any bias whatsoever) the best baby in the world. I'm not being sarcastic, he hardly cries and he sleeps through the night. He is such a good baby and so damn cute. Seriously, look at that face:

 My nephew on Halloween. Seriously, I die.

Anyway, you get it, I want a baby. I think a lot of newlyweds face this. We have both finally gotten into a routine, things aren't chaotic anymore, we've adjusted fairly well to being married and it is kind of like, now what? Well, Andy and I finally had a serious talk about this the other night in bed. (I love pillow talk, it's my favorite time of the day) and we both want kids, in fact we wouldn't mind a kid now. The key word there is mind, meaning if by some miracle of God we were to become pregnant we wouldn't freak out. We both know that we aren't ready to actively try for a kid, we probably won't be ready for a couple years. There are many reasons for this, but most of them come down to money. Our logical reasons behind fighting the fever are as follows:

• We would like to get completely out of debt, meaning all we have is student loans/ house/ car payments, no more credit cards. This seems like a good plan and completely do-able because we have a date in mind to complete this by.
• We would like to own our own house. This one seems like it might take longer than expected so I am kind of hoping that we can negotiate on this one. Meaning maybe we will be renting still until the baby is a few months old but after that purchasing.
• We would like to build up our savings. The reason behind this is that I would like to stay at home with our kids until they are in pre-school. This may change in the coming years but right now my income would cover the cost of daycare/a nanny and that's about it, maybe a bill or two. Looking at it this way, it seems like it would make more sense for me to stay home or at least work only part-time around Andy's schedule so that I am not working just to pay someone's salary. 

There are a couple other reasons but mostly those are emotional. I like where Andy and I are right now, we both love the time we get to spend together and the fact that it's just us and the fur babies. For right now, we aren't willing to give that up. However, I do keep getting these waves of baby fever that isn't really eased by my logical or emotional reasons for waiting and I am torn. Mostly I try just to repeat over and over in my head our reasons for waiting and hope logic prevails. When all else fails I visit with my nephew and try to get my baby fix in.

Any other newlyweds struggle with baby fever? How do you deal with it?