V-Day Year One

I apologize for the lack of posting. Between work, house and job hunting I haven't got a lot going on that wouldn't bore you to tears. We did have a pretty nice Valentine's day this year. We decided not to do anything big since our anniversary is only a couple months away and we would rather spend our hard earned money on a mini vacation or something like that (we have made our plans but I will post that at a later date). So Andy said he would cook dinner we would put the "kids" to bed early and have a fire and just enjoy a quiet evening together at home. I had to go to work from 4-8 that night so Andy had the house to himself for a bit and he used that time to plan something hilarious. When I came home the front door was locks and I didn't have my key so I had to knock. And this gentleman answered the door:

 

(You should know I was in tears laughing when he answered the door like this)

Monsieur greeted me and informed me that my dear husband was going to be late but he would show me to my seat. We had a beautiful table set by the fireplace, Monsieur got me a glass of champagne and some water and excused himself. A few minutes later, Andy showed up and served our dinner, roast, mashed potatoes, peas, rolls, and he even made chocolate cupcakes for dessert. It wasn't much but to me it was awesome. We talked and laughed and had a wonderful evening together. We even had a slow dance in the dining room. It was a good night. 

What did you and your Valentine do for the special day?

Travel Mode

It's official, Andy is traveling again! I'm actually really happy for him, for the first time in 6 months he seems really happy to be going to work. Happy husband=happy me! I thought that his being gone for the first time in a long time was going to be hard (don't get me wrong I miss him) but I have simply slipped into old me mode. When Andy traveled previously I made lists upon lists of things to do, it kept me busy and the house looking good. Monday morning when he left I slipped right into travel mode and started making lists. These lists are more like goals for myself, like Monday my goal was to clean the pile of clothes in the basement, do all the dishes and clean the kitchen before I went to work. These goals are a lifesaver, they keep me sane and occupied, what also helps this time around is that I have to go into work, which passes the time and give me a little more social interaction. I also tend to veg out a little when Andy isn't around so goals like this make me feel less lazy and keep me from having a sit in my PJs watching Netflix all day, kind of day. Though Wednesday is my day off from both jobs so that may end up happening but that's my day off and I'm allowed that.


 What do you do when your significant other isn't around or out of town?

Thank you, Eugenia*

There are a million things in my life that I can't control. I can't control the weather, I can't control other people or their actions, I can't control a lot of things, but I can control me. I can control my actions, my words, my attitude. Things aren't positive for us, the punches keep coming, between car accidents, cars breaking down, money being stolen out of our account, and our rental company trying to screw us, things don't feel great. Andy, my perfectly positive cheerleader of a husband has even been brought down by our circumstances lately. Usually I would be right there with him, usually I would cry, yell and be down.  However, last night driving home I just had a moment, a moment where I realized that I can't control or change all of that. What I can control is my attitude about all the things happening to us right now. I have to be positive, I have to be encouraging, I have to be strong because if I am not, I think the overwhelming hurt of what is happening would crush me. So this time I will be the cheerleader, I will be positive, I will adopt the mantra that everything will get better because it will. I have to believe that God has a plan for us, I have to believe that with each other my husband and I can get through anything because that is the only thing I have control over. My attitude may not be able to change our circumstances but it can help us get through it together.

*There is a book I read when hard times hit, it's by Yevgenia  Ginzburg a Russian Gulag survivor, her book "Journey into the Whirlwind" tells about her years of imprisonment and her battle to survive. To read about a human beings absolute determination to live always inspires me and reminds me that my life is just not that hard. One of my favorite quotes from her book is as follows, "I intended to survive. Just to spite them."

Drum roll please

It's not actually that dramatic, at least I don't think it is. If you have been keeping up I have been discussing the fact that things haven't been that great around the SalTal household as far as Andy's job is concerned. Well the past couple weeks have brought some changes for us and I think that it is a really fantastic change for both of us. Andy is taking his old job back. I know some people are thinking "But it's in Toledo, right?" and it is except that they wanted him back so badly that they agreed to let him work from home, which is fantastic news for us. I'm so happy for him because I know he loved his old job and the reasons he left were because I couldn't find work in that area. This is kind of the best of both worlds for now. This may mean that we eventually will move back to Toledo, which we are both more than okay with, we miss our friends up there and we enjoyed the dynamics of that city a little more than Columbus but for now we will remain in Columbus where we are both employed. This means Andy will be traveling again, which I wasn't okay with at first but the more I thought about it the more the idea grew on me. The reason I hated him traveling so much previously was because I wasn't working and didn't have a lot to do. I think that working for me is going to make his traveling much easier on me. I'm so excited that at the end of the day Andy is going to be happy, that means so much to me.

In the mean time we only have Andy's work computer working right now which is the reason for the limited posting. Have a great week everyone!

If I could turn back time...

...if I could find a way. I would take back Thursday. Thursday was awful. Thursday I got up super early to go to my parents house to pick up their puppy to watch while they go on a cruise (jealous). I was tired, my reflexes weren't up to par and I was also driving the truck which is much bigger which means longer stop time. I think you see where this is going, when I was in the home stretch, like 20 minutes from home, the car in front of me got cut off and I couldn't stop in time, I rear-ended them. No one was hurt, thank God, He was watching out for all of us that day and I realize it could have been worse but it was still awful. I got cited of course and the truck took some front end damage. The insurance is going to cover everything and the truck should be fixed next week but it was a really trying day. I don't ever want to drive again. I am serious. I really don't care for driving in the first place, this made it worse. I'm just really upset that it happened in the first place, I'm embarrassed really, but I know that it could happen to anyone, it just doesn't feel like that. I'm thankful that my husband was there for me, was so understanding and helped me through the whole day.

In other news, we have some news, some big news that will be posted tomorrow or Monday.

Tough Questions

I wrote my realization post yesterday but I wanted Andy to read through it before I posted it so it didn't get posted until today. Since that post I have a lot more to say that didn't quite fit in with the rest of the post. That post prompted a lot of tough questions both in my head and between the two of us. What do we really want? Where do we want to be? What will make us happy?  What really matters at the end of the day? Is one persons happiness more important than the other? Like I said, really hard questions.

I think that we have some answers but some answers just lead to more questions. I think we know we really want to be happy and have our lives together. The question that leads to is what is going to make us happy? Is it moving out of Columbus? Moving back to Toledo? Buying a house so we aren't under the thumb of someone else? Is it a different job for Andy? A different job for me? The list is endless.

I know for a fact that a different job wouldn't make me happy, I love my jobs. I look forward to work everyday, that's a rarity and I know it. A different job would make Andy happy, this I do know, but the job he would love isn't here. In that lies the entire answer to where we should live, so the real question is his happiness more important than mine? I may make some feminists cringe with this sentence that I type, but I think that in the long run his happiness does. Please let me explain before you throw me to the lions. I love my jobs, I do believe that it is important for woman to be able to work and support herself, I believe that firmly. However, it has always been my dream to be able to stay at home with my kids (the reasons for which are a post for another time) and I firmly believe that feminism is more about woman having a choice. I have the choice to stay home with my kids or work and that is a beautiful thing. So my jobs, as much as I love them both, aren't really going to matter in a couple years, for my husband it will matter a lot if he goes to work happy or not. I guess that I am not really saying that his happiness matters more than mine, I think I am saying that the happiness that I experience in my jobs isn't going to compare to the happiness I will feel staying home with my children. So if I had to give up my jobs right now in order for us to get to where we need to be in order to have the life we want, I would. I wouldn't be happy about it, but I wouldn't be completely depressed either, it's just a sacrifice I'm willing to make to get what I really want.

Realization

Over the holidays Andy and I had a lot of time to do some soul searching and we talked a lot. We talked about kids, our future, where we were and where we would like to be. It was amazing to connect with my husband like that. Between my two jobs which are primarily second shift and his job we rarely have time like that where we can just talk and laugh. I think I realized how much I miss him, even more I got to see how truly unhappy he is right now, which is killing me. My husband is not a negative person, he is as happy go lucky as they come so for him to be down I know that something is up. I'm tried my hardest (and am still trying) to raise his spirits, I think I'm doing an okay job of it, but I know that things need to change in order for him to get out of his funk After talking to him about it, I think that he made me realize that we neither of us are happy. I mean we are happy together, our marriage is solid, in fact it rocks, but I mean with other stuff. I mean I love my jobs, L-O-V-E, love them, but is that really enough? And that's just me, what about Andy? We have family nearby, which is fantastic but our schedules are kind of  oppressive and don't leave a lot of room for social time. Our living situation and budget are so restrictive that we have to weigh the cost of everything we do before we do it. It's not exactly living the high life. In fact it's pretty miserable. We miss our friends, I miss my family, we miss the town that we basically grew up in, where we met and fell in love, and yet I can't help but feel that maybe we haven't given this place a chance. We have problems but no solution. For the first time in a long time I just don't know what to do and neither does Andy, usually between the two of us we can fix any problem, but not this time.